Where we've been.......

I'm married to the most amazing man in the world - my 'HB'. We have one dog Rosie. Infertility has dominated our lives for years. In 2006 we started down the IVF path using donor eggs. Two unsuccessful attempts in 2007. After the first go I was devastated - I was sure this was going to be the answer to everything. My Doctor said it was simply a numbers game, try enough and eventually we'll hit the jackpot. But this was like putting a huge whack of money on 'red' and watching 'black' keep hitting (I kind of know what that feels like - 12 times in a row it happened to us in Monte Carlo Casino!) Our remaining frosties didn't survive so a third attempt fell by the wayside.

Wonderful HB wanted to give it another shot, telling me this on day one of our vacation in Puerta Vallarta. For once in our lives we had the money, if we couldn't spend it on trying everything to fulfill our dreams what could we spend it on! I don't know whether I'd ever loved him more (well actually I love him more everyday - schmaltzy but true!)

Our first choice donor didn't work out - failed her psych screening (that's what screening is for!) The second donor selected was a match and so we went on the roller coaster again.

March 27th 2008 was the date of transfer. April 8th I did a home pregnancy test with a big fat negative result. For the next two days having progesterone shots in the butt seemed even more painful than usual. On April 10th the call from the clinic came - this was the call that I never ever thought I would hear - we were pregnant. I burst into tears and HB came towards me with 'It's OK honey, we can try again' look. Through the tears I blubbered 'But you don't understand, it's positive!' Through the tears (both of us!) and shock I managed to get coherent enough to understand that I needed another blood test in two days to check the HCG levels were progressing. Somehow, it didn't sink in properly.

Two days later I have another blood test and get the results to find out the HCG levels are increasing fabulously. Wow. Next step is to come in at six weeks for an early Ultrasound, this is when I had my first lesson in milestones in pregnancy, I truly did not have a clue how any of this worked and I now found out that six weeks pregnant was only a week and a half away!

Small problem then - we were in the process of moving back to the UK from the US, the 6th week would be while we were in the air. Also, progesterone and estradiol will be needed - enough for the next twelve weeks & it needed to be ordered in asap so we could take it with us. All was sorted out and I scheduled my ultrasound for the morning of our departure.

April 23rd and we have the ultrasound - I am blown away, I have had so many ultrasounds during our IF treatment, it always just looks like nothing to me, but this time, well this time was so obviously and amazingly different because right there in the middle was this large dark circle with blurry bits inside it - that's never been there before!!!! The Doc pointed out the fluttering heartbeat and there I was in floods of tears again. HB was beaming!

And so we left to go to the airport, finishing up our three years in the US and leaving with the most unbelievable of gifts. We checked our luggage and our dog in (Rosie travelled with us from the UK originally and now was returning with us) and I started to get paranoid about carry syringes onto a plane (we had a Doctors note but still was worried) All went well, the flight was uneventful and a big thank you to the Air Stwerdess who curtained off an area so I could drop my pants and have HB inject my butt in the middle of a full 747!

Arrival in the UK was not so uneventful. Our paperwork was not in order for Rosie and she was to be sent to quarantine for 3 months. She was immunized against Rabies and had continually been since before leaving the UK. She had a blood test to show the vaccine levels were sufficient but the blood test needed to be 6 months before travelling (ours had been 3 months before) Didn't these government people know I was pregnant and had hormones raging out of control and that this sort of upset was not what I needed 'in my condition'!!!!!!! Tears didn't work and there was nothing we could do. It put a real downer on our homecoming!

Next step was to break the news to the HBs Mum and Dad about Rosie (who they were going to dog-sit) and the pregnancy. I think the shock of it all was too much - I don't think they registered any of it! It's OK, plenty of time for everything to sink in over the coming months.

So what do I do next with the pregnancy? For those from the UK you would have an understanding of the NHS, you'd know that I have to register. Problem is we're living in Windsor temporarily and will be moving to Warwick during summer. I can't register with the doctors and midwife in Warwick who will be there when the baby arrives - because we don't live there yet! Now I'm feeling really alone. I don't know what to do. I don't even 'feel' pregnant. What if it has stopped? After all, even though I know the egg comes from a 21yo I'm still in my forties and have never been pregnant before. Maybe I can't carry a child? Why is it that the questions that run through my mind are all negative worst case scenarios?????

Fortunately the NHS came through. I registered as a temporary patient in Windsor. I was able to see a midwife straightaway. They let me talk about all of my concerns and were fabulously reassuring. They also recommended another ultrasound - just to be sure!

So on May 16 (9 weeks) I had another ultrasound and there was Blobby, bigger and better than before with a belting heartbeat, right size, right place - picture perfect. Well not actually picture perfect, once again I was blubbering so much the sonographer couldn't get a decent picture because of my heaving sobs.

From that time all has been pretty unventful. HB and I are waiting with baited breath to complete on the purchase of our house. And I've started this blog. So the next entries are going to be shorter, I want to try and capture what I am feeling and thinking. I'm not very good at this sort of thing having never been able to keep a diary or the like, but let's see how we go. So that's where we've been..... heres to where we are going!